[

Current Mood

|

thankful

]

I don’t like disappointments. I dread uncertain times. I have struggled to trust God and His ways the past week, especially when it seems like He has rearranged every one of my plans and uprooted me from my comfort zone.

Yes, it was hard when He closed the door to the Executive Shadow Programme that I thought He would open. After all, it was He who guided me in selecting my first preference, He who granted me favor in the eyes of my lecturers, which led to my final interview with the host and He who shut the final door firmly. Surely I did think He was a little cruel when my hopes were built so high, only to have them dissolved in disappointment.

Over and over again I find myself having to surrender my fear, my pride and my disbelief. I am taken on a journey where I have to tell Him daily that I choose to trust Him even if I don’t understand Him. I know that some of my greatest growth has come during the setbacks in my life, and without a doubt I know we are strengthened by the tough circumstances. But sometimes it is so hard to stomach the downside of our experiences and praise Him for giving us an opportunity to grow…

As I go through this season of surrender and trust, I find myself relying more on His love and strength each day and begin to understand what contentment is. It is sufficient – knowing that God fills all the empty spaces in our lives with His joy. It is enough – a work of God in our hearts as we surrender it wholly to Him. It is to be full – as He reveals our true blessings.

Last Friday I received an email from the host of the ESP telling me that they have decided to take in a second student and they would offer the position to me. Two weeks ago I would have probably thought, yes I did it! But on that day, in the stillness of my heart, I knew undeniably that, yes He did it.  

I am smiling as I look back on the circumstances I find myself in, is truly an evidence of His sufficiency and faithfulness in my life. I have learned that we need to stop telling God how big our circumstance is and start telling the circumstance just how BIG our God is!

God is our refuge and strength, a very present and well-proved help in trouble (Psalm46:1). I love this translation from the Amplified Bible. Because I know every challenging circumstance I find myself in, He is there faithfully, even in my faithlessness.

[

Current Mood

|

sleepy

]

I did not get the executive shadow program placement.

Disappointed? In an undeniably Karenina’s fashion -- my first thought was ‘I want to hide in a hole and die.’  

I was so overwhelmed by disappointment that I did not know what to feel or say, all I knew was that I wanted this to be taken away from me. The most amazing thing about our God is that He knows what we need at the time we need it most; He is our source of comfort and assurance.

He brought my attention to a story about a little boy who heard a weather forecast on the radio. The forecast came on and the announcer said it was going to be partly cloudy. The boy stopped playing, looked up with an indignant look on his face and said to his mom, ‘That man said it’s partly cloudy but it’s not! It’s partly sunny!’

It was enough for me.

I have a tendency to see my circumstances from a ‘glass half empty’ perspective (oh what a surprise!!). I get caught up with the mess and miss the wonders around me; I focus on what is missing and forget to rejoice in what I have. When a few clouds enter my world, I need to remember that the sun is still shining. My outlook does not need to change just because my circumstances have.

When I tell Him that He is all I want and He is all that I ever needed, do I really know the weight of my words? Is my relationship with Jesus in such a place that if He is truly all I had today, would I still say the same words to Him? Can I look at my circumstances confidently that no matter what, Jesus is enough?

As perfectly put by my devotion material today, we need to make a decision that Jesus is enough. We need to say it, believe it and settle it, even before it is being tested out in our lives. Jesus is enough.

I have learned that one of the portraits of a godly woman in the Bible says, ‘she can laugh at the days to come’ (Proverbs 31:25). She carries such joy in her life not because it is perfect, but she chose to make laughter, peace and true happiness the characteristics of her life. This was a woman to be praised because she fears God and knew without a doubt that He was enough.